I am Diane Ward

My husband and I met in 2002. Neither myself or Brad had never been married before. We married late. I was 49 and he was 41. I married a younger man. I had never had faith in men and was very distrustful. Brad had issues also from growing up. We married 08/14/2004. He made me the most happy person in my life. I had suffered depression and lack of self esteem. I was always told no one could love me unless I loved myself first. Well Brad made me feel loved and I loved him. We did everything together – groceries, massages, vacations, fishing, everything.

Then in summer of 2019 Brad had started symptoms of dropped foot etc. He was then diagnosed with ALS on 09/06/2019. It changed our lives. We both had to quit our jobs. I took full care of Brad. I would do it all over again. Brad lost his speech, received a g-tube, could not walk etc. Brad cared for me through this whole process also. Brad passed on 12/20/2020.

They said he would have 3 – 5 years. He had 15 months. I am so depressed now that he is gone. My future, our goals, our retirement, my love is all gone. He was my rock, my soulmate, my everything. It is just him. We neither had children. I miss him so much. This is so difficult to accept. I am at a total loss without him. How does a person keep going on living a life without the person that made me feel loved. He was the first person in life that ever made me feel loved. Now no one. I want him back.

I am not sure why God had to take him from each other. We prayed every night to no avail. While writing this I am sobbing. I love you Brad!!! I have regrets. The night he died in hospice I fell asleep and was not with him when he passed. I regret I was not with him in his last moments. I cannot forgive myself. I hate you ALS!!! I always had a motto growing up saying it is not fair. This motto seems to be still following me. WHY?!