- adapt to living with ALS
- Navigating Changing Relationships
Caring for a Parent with ALS
As adults, the relationship we have with our parents can be one of the most complex yet important relationship in our lives. For many, parents provide a sense of stability well into adulthood. When a parent is diagnosed with ALS, you face the painful reality of losing your lifelong cheerleader earlier than you expected. On top of this grief lies the decision of how to best care for your parent as their ALS progresses. Attempting to cope with all of this while seeing to existing demands in your life has the power to turn your world upside-down. Here are some tips on how to cope when a parent has ALS.
The prospect of caring for a parent with ALS while also managing your own life can seem overwhelming. There are so many things to consider, like where your parent will live when they are unable to live independently or how much time you can take off of work. To manage, consider sitting down with your parent and other family members early on to create a realistic plan to prepare for what might lie ahead. Check out this Prepare to Care guide from the AARP to help get you started.
4 tips to begin the process of managing responsibilities
- Be sure to ask and listen to your mom or dad’s values for their care, and allow them to drive any decision-making. Use this worksheet on identifying your values to help guide the conversation.
- Ask your mom or dad how they’d like you to be involved in their care. Losing a sense of independence gradually or suddenly can be one of the hardest mental and emotional challenges. Be sure to give your parent as much control as possible over their choices in how to live their life.
- Consider what is realistic for you. Identifying what your limitations may be can help you come up with a plan that is sustainable for the long-term.
- Think of the people in your life who can pitch in to help when needed, whether it’s a spouse, close friends, neighbors or other relatives. Even if they can’t help provide direct care for your parent, they may be able to help with other tasks like childcare or meal preparation. Learn more about how to rally your community.
A change in dynamics
Witnessing a parent’s decline due to ALS can be heartbreaking. You may not have previously seen your parents so vulnerable. The dynamics of your relationship are bound to change as your mom or dad come to rely more heavily on you for support. This won’t always be easy and it may take time for you both to adjust to these changes. Being mindful of your experiences and encouraging honest communication can help ease this transition and strengthen your relationship. It’s normal to feel scared, sad or a sense of grief. Remember, there will be difficult moments, so try to be patient and extend grace when necessary, whether to your parent or yourself.
Coping as a caregiver
Caring for someone with ALS is not easy and there are many ways you might cope as a caregiver. Some people may feel the desire to engage in new activities such as ALS advocacy, while others may be too busy juggling numerous responsibilities to get through their day. There might be times when it feels too painful to witness your loved one’s decline and other times you can’t bear to be apart from them. You may even find yourself trying to control things in other areas of your life in order to make up for what you can’t control with your loved one’s ALS. Over time, your coping will likely change as you adapt into your role as a caregiver or as your loved one’s needs change. It’s okay if you feel hopeful one week and as though you’re barely making it through the next. Sometimes the best thing to do is take things one day at a time and remind yourself you’re doing your best.
You might find these helpful:
Speaking Up for Your Loved One: How to Advocate for your Hospice Patient
This article from TriHealth explains how to advocate for your loved one in hospice.
7 Things to Keep in Mind If a Loved One Has ALS
This article from ALS News Today shares seven important things to keep in mind when your loved ones is diagnosed with ALS.